That off whims It is a very sensitive subjectbecause it affects not only children’s growth and education but also family serenity and parents’ fault. It often happens to see or hear stories about children who, even in public places, start screaming, crying and demanding that what their parents call whims be satisfied.
Whether it’s buying toys, not wanting to clean your room, not turning off the TV, or not wanting to go to bed (just to give a few examples), the management of children’s whims at any age can prove to be very difficult and beyond the parents’ abilities.
We therefore want understand what is hidden behind these whims to help parents and their children, prevent tensions and behaviors that could take root and create much more serious problems. Talking about tantrums in children also means contrast between different education schools: the one to whom they must be corrected, and the one who wants to hear them instead. It is therefore a different perspective that can often cause parents and grandparents who may complain to clash that children are spoiled if they are not scolded when they throw a tantrum.
So let’s try to understand what these are abnormal behavior in children and how to deal with them in a healthy and positive way for the whole family.
Why do children throw tantrums?
What is a whim? A useful contribution to understanding of this reality it can come from the definition of the word. A whim is a “sudden and bizarre, often stubborn desire“. We can therefore identify the extravagance and seeming absurdity main function of children’s whims. but is this extravagance in the eyes of the children or the parents?
We certainly do not want to say that the whim is an invention of the parents, but that too understand its meaning and reason it can be helpful to change perspective. Children, especially small ones, they have no vices and the behavior that we consider capricious is often the result of an inability to communicate and express their needs. This is also the result of continuous neurological development of the brain and its functionsnot only of each child’s character and inclinations.
Just as the newborn cries when he loses his pacifier in his sleep, the older child has a seemingly exaggerated reaction to something that is fundamental to him. The tantrums begin to develop not immediately, but indicative about two years (sometimes even earlier), which is when children start to develop their own identity. Increase not only the stimuli understanding of their surroundings, but also of their own personality and identity. Then the children begin to communicate their desire for independence and to do what he likes and what he considers indispensable. All contextualized in an expressive capacity and understanding of many dynamics that are still imperfect.
For example, small children are not aware the concept of time sequences (Before And after); reassure him that the game, the dessert, the activity they find again “later” means only one thing: to take it from him in the only moment that counts: now.
It is therefore clear that the child reacts as he knows how to do, but still cannot modulate behavior based on priorities and important things in life (how many adults are capable of that in the first place?). Deprivation or perceived wrongly causes the child to cry, become restless, get stuck, just say “no” and not have a form of constructive communication.
We can say that whims they are not the children’s fault, but neither parent. If we have absolved the little ones because they are not able to communicate, we must also recognize the parents’ difficulties in understanding how children grow up, what stage of growth they go through and what they want to communicate with their behavior, which by the way changes suddenly. This applies to both parents who manage to be more present that those who, especially at work, spend the whole day away from home and away from their children.
Even this is not a mistake, but it is one of the explanations for the fact that it is more difficult to understand each other with children, to know them and have healthy and instructive reactions.
How to deal with baby tantrums (up to 12 months)
In the movie Perfect strangers there is an affirmation that has become famous over the years and which is suitable for introducing e.g helpful tips for parents to deal with tantrums of their children. the phrase is the one that says that in relationships it is important to know how to defuse, or “don’t turn every discussion into a battle for supremacy“. Parents must not command, just as they must not suffer the whims of children; parents are tasked with educating and doing so means communicating, even doing what may be a step backwards and actually turns out to be one step closer.
It is common for young children to throw tantrums because it is there consequence of their curiosity and desire to relate to the surrounding environment. In less than a year, babies learn to walk, grasp objects, say their first words and do many things that make them more and more autonomous. Why would they give it up? As is normal and proper parents guide and teach their children what to do and what not to dowhen to do it and when to postpone it.
1. Explain, repeat and teach
The teaching is never immediate; they walk repeated, explained and above all demonstrated. How many times do parents give an indication and then maybe they are the first to not put it into practice? Authority (better, credibility) it is not an automatic right, but it must be conquered and maintained. Establishing oneself never helps and is always preparatory to triggering tensions that are sure to aggravate the whim and create tensions that can take root and undermine the serenity of psychological, emotional, affective and social development of newborns.
2. No to discussions
The discussion is therefore similar to the argument, it does no one any good. Better to explain the reasons for the choices, even where the baby does not seem to understand or give signs of agreement. At the same time, it can be useful to divert attention to something else. It’s not one move the problem, but to make the child’s day something fun and pleasant for him. It is clear that parents have needs that are incompatible with those of children, but it is equally clear that it cannot be done. expect children to adapt immediately to them. Education takes time, and whims need to be addressed and addressed, not avoided or stifled.
3. Threats and punishments
In this sense, it is fundamental do not threaten punishment (which would create an unsustainable climate of tension and which can only get worse) and make an effort to remain calm. This is probably the most complicated element that any parent (both individually and with their partner) must learn. There frustrationthat fatiguesee stress and all even legitimate concerns of parents must not fall upon the children, and even here it is a formidable form of prevention, attention, and love to disarm them before they throw them upon them.
4. A day tailored for children
The last tip is to build a routine, ie as child-friendly as possible. Especially throughout the first year, the child cannot be expected to sit in a restaurant or walk silently hand in hand with the parent when going to the supermarket. Yes, parents have to shop and they have right to live their own lives socially (even without the employment of children), but even in this case one cannot expect anything from young children which they are not capable of giving. Organization is therefore essential, and you can go to restaurants and supermarkets even with children, as long as you find structures, methods and solutions that allow the child to live peacefully his own growth and don’t start seeing it as a problem right away or a cause of stress.
How to deal with capricious children?
With older children, guidance after the first year of life, everything gets harder, but also easier. If the whims increase, the opportunities for dialogue also increase and the child begins to develop such a character that one can understand how to pamper, satisfy and guide it. From this period, the vice can also take root, i.e. la tendency to look for something wrong. The whim is not a prerequisite for the vice, if anything it is mismanagement of the child’s whim.
1. Firm but sweet
With older children, it is even more important than the parents keep a sweet firmness. They must not give in because they are tired of the children’s nagging demands, but not even being strict executors of orders. Here, too, it is necessary to learn to communicate, maintain a firm tone, but at the same time not aggressive.
2. Understanding first and foremost
Children need to be understood to be polite and it does not help to scold them, punish them or create one for every whim unsettling tension; it is useless and counterproductive. It is therefore necessary that parents adapt to children, but not to satisfy all their wishes, but for accompany them to do what they need. If a child struggles to get ready on time for day care or school, it is better to change the times of the day so that they can wake up on time, rather than starting the day with screaming and stress.
3. How much does fatigue affect?
Many whims then arise from fatigue and are therefore very useful regulate the day with child-friendly rhythms. It can be complicated to fit everything together, but it is the only possible way to help children grow up in peace. Bedtime tantrums are famous, but if you can build a playful and fun routine, where in every moment of the day there is something pleasanteven bedtime can become less difficult.
4. Pampering and closeness
Both for newborns and for older children a good reason to deal with tantrums properly is to pamper them and be close to them. It is important that they do not feel alone with their discomfort and that they never lack the affection of their parents, manifested also and above all through time to devote to it. Everything is extremely difficult in the daily routine, but it is the only way to avoid dealing with aggressive, withdrawn and restless children. support them in growth. The mistakes of parents must be taken into account and must not be attributed to shortcomings or inadequacies. Perfection is not what children need, but examples and reference numbers; also and above all in the delicate phase of whimsy.