“Thor: Love and Thunder” is a grungy and grueling movie

If one wanted to be good but very very good, he could say that Thor: Love and Thunder is a bedtime story for children lucky. If, on the other hand, one wanted to be mischievous, he could say so Thor: Love and Thunder is an act of great hubris, which proves that no one, not even the highest rated and Oscar-winning directors, is omnipotent. If one wanted to be naughty, he could say that Thor: Love and Thunder is an act of endless nepotism, with the sons of the director and the protagonist in the children’s part of the story. If anything, it proves that to make a really stupid movie, you need very intelligent and talented writers and actors.

In short, turn it the way you want, but Thor: Love and Thunder he has a big problem. And the problem is, that’s it a wrong movie. First of all, it’s a story for children. Seriously. For children only. The director and co-writer play on it and create an old storytelling (and use the character he gives voice to), but the effect is an arrogant showman who thinks it’s enough to get on stage, says some impromptu bullshit. then he can go back to managing his fame and fortune without doing anything else.

Lack of respect for the publicin short, and he does it in such a way that it gives the feeling that it is almost a deliberate decision: The revolver men around Korg’s fireplace first and Thor himself afterwards with the gang of child prisoners almost work improvised fun in a mansion for the rich on an exotic island during a day of bad weather when adults decide they want to entertain the little ones (and it would be a much more interesting movie already seen in hindsight).

The effect it gives Taika Waititi it’s just that. The young New Zealand prodigy has lost touch with reality, he feels like he is screwing Wes Anderson and Mel Brooks, but with this film he proves that he is not one of them. The story is about a disturbing banality, and what should be surrealistic passages, situationist intuitions, creative inspirations that people should get up and shout “Genius! Genius! Genius! Maestro!”, As in a section of Borison the other hand turn out to be galactic banquets.

If Waititi had intervened at a hypothetical gathering of the gods in some comic mythology to represent his vision of the cosmos, they would have immediately turned it into a rock and let it roll on the ridge of an endless valley. Rarely has so little needed so many words to be told.

Thor: Love and Thunder is a small, dilapidated, sometimes stunning story, moreover, poisoned by the Manichaean need to show non-traditional couples to pay homage to the politically correct and the politically different with such a lack of naturalness that one wonders if there is a shrewd social critique of Waititi behind (hint: no, not even by idea). To keep the side show together, Kevin Feige’s war machine: it is now mathematically proven that the producer can also stage two giant goats screaming like two slaughtered people while playing polo and no one has anything to complain about. The story uses depression as a substitute for personality and tries to make people believe that if the characters are bitter and messy enough, we do not realize how boring and artificial they are.

The problem with this movie is not the acting Chris Hemsworthit is not the constant feeling of despair that emerges from the face of Natalie Portman (which almost seems to send an encrypted message “help, save me” or maybe just want to pay the beautician’s bill, who knows), it’s not the deadly boredom of the dialogues, the constant feeling that the treatment of the story was done by a student of the medium not very bright, it is not that each. Single. Thing. To. Appears. In it. Movie. Shall. To be. Considered. How. Fuck. Rifle. Of. Chekhov (because everything you see in the film you will see pretty much twice: the first time for a misunderstood aesthetic sense, the second time because Checov said that if in the first act of a play a rifle appears on the wall, in the last act rifle will definitely shoot.Well, the middle school student seems to have taken it a little too literally).

At some point, in a surreal and seemingly self-ironic way (but that self-irony when you repeat a full joke to yourself in front of the mirror, but then when you say it out loud to friends, no one laughs and some embarrassment silence falls) also appears Russell Crowe. Which we would rather not have seen. Like we would not have wanted to see Tessa Thompsonwho is a very good action movie actress, but is now reduced to doing so the frustrated and single Valkyrie warrior.

The three actors in the theatrical production of the story of Thor and Loki also appear (they were already in Thor: Rangarok) and are three famous cameos: Sam Neill, Matt Damon and Luke Hemsworth, Chris’ older brother. Added to the kids and some other relatives, they make the reduction of this movie seem like a recital designed by Nero to entertain the Romans with his friends and relatives. The most embarrassed, however, seem to be them.

But beyond the tone of great condescension that goes beyond the very idea of ​​”storytelling mansplaining“, In addition to the buckets of special effects and camera movements that are children of computer graphics, in addition to the scenes recorded on” the planet The Little Prince in black and white “(but the rose is missing) or on” the planet Mario Galaxy in black and white “, to choose from, in addition to some ingenuity to write – the really epic ones – in addition to the fact that Jeff Goldblum, Peter Dinklage and Lena Headey were rescued because their parts were clipped during the editing phase (believe me: better not to be associated with this film), the problem is another.

The problem is that it is a bad movie. Everything interesting about Thor’s Marvel saga has already been said thoroughly in previous films, but like many people who have nothing to say, Thor: Love and Thunder does not want to shut up and continues to move forward. Brings one of the most disturbing roles that has been assigned in decades: Christian Bale in the role of the villain, Gorr the butcher of the gods.

Christian Bale’s acting concept in this film is force himself through his jokes without being aware of anything or anyone; one can literally sense his impatience for the other interpreter to stop speaking in order to take the lead again. And we’re talking about a role where 90% of his lines are monologues. What saves him is the masking, which makes it hard to understand that it is him. Like I said, it’s better not to be associated with this movie. So don’t let The Guardians of the Galaxy come crying and say I haven’t told them that.

Finally, I would like to say a few words about instruction. Yes, that with the scenes where there are actors of flesh and blood, not the one made at the table by Rommels of special effects. The one where the director was supposed to have a role of a certain depth, in short. But that is another problem. Because Waititis’ visual storytelling has never been excellent. Hans is a cinema that consists of ideas, situations, combed photography and brilliant history. As a director, he responds to a bestselling author translated from another language: in his native language he may be good, but when translated into Italian, it becomes completely flat and invalid. Like old westerns expressed by our actresses and stage actors with perfect diction, while John Ford wanted his cowboys to eat their word with a Confederate twang and his “salon beauties” to speak with an immigrant European accent, fresh and very desperate.

Well, suddenly Waititi, when the story’s arrogance and complicity in the hero of the Hemsworth series – who is also one of the powerful executive producers here – becomes excessive, it is lost. It’s melting. Waititi stays a kind of surveyor of the shoots, a New Year’s Eve storyteller, a train journey raconteur. A journey that lasts 119 endless minutes, including the (terrible) credits that Marvel forces you to watch in order not to miss the now usual post-credit sketches. 119 minutes, hold it down.

Personally, I was not only surprised by the film’s last (multiple) twist, but I was not even looking for it. I just thought I was watching a bad movie. I just hoped it would end up with as little damage as possible to the Marvel film universe that gave us so much in the early stages and now spread so much without direction or meaning. And instead watching this movie is an annoying and self-destructive experiencea bit like listening to a nymphomaniac praising the virtues of celibacy.

Mosquitoes stung me, causing me deeper and more lasting feelings than the vision of Thor: Love and Thunder. And to be honest, the only way to get some fun with this mess might be to fall asleep while watching and dream for yourself a better movie. Try it. At least you get rid of an ugly headache when you leave the cinema. If, on the other hand, you can keep both eyes open for its entire two hours (minus one minute) of duration, yes, you are better people than me.

Antonio Dini, journalist and essayist, was born in Florence and now lives in Milan. His newsletter is called: Most weekly.

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